Elite Thinking: Conversations worth having and the positive frame

“We change best when we are strongest and most positive, not when we feel the weakest, most negative, or helpless.” (David Cooperrider) 

Challenging conversations are an unavoidable part of sport. Coaches must create a safe space for these to occur. Such conversations should take place when players and coaches have had an opportunity to reflect, step back and take a breath. The brain will be far more open to feedback and advice and therefore learning will be optimized. What might a conversation look like that builds connections, creates a more productive environment and produces positive change? 

A conversation worth having is when: 

• The coach seeks to maintain the relationship and build trust. 

 • The player walks away energized, filled with possibilities and is ready to take action. 

• There is a sense of cooperation. 

• The result is positive and potential has been unleashed. 

What does a conversation worth having start with? 

A strengths-based paradigm. The coach is ready to see the player and the game through a positive lens allowing them to appreciate the best of what is. Why? Because these are the practices coaches want to replicate. The more time the weaknesses are examined, the less time there is to shine a light on the good practices. And, it’s the good practices when replicated that will lead to success.

What do conversations worth having look like? 

Positive framing and generative questions are two simple yet powerful approaches that take mental and emotional discipline and practice. “Positive framing is not only about focusing on the positive. It is also about focusing attention and action on where we want to go or on what it is we want more of” (Stavros and Torres, p. 46). 

A coach to a player: “Today you were selfish on the ball. You didn’t pass to your team mates. You had no vision and that impacted negatively on the team. You ran from deep in our half and got tackled in possession which resulted in turn overs”. 

This creates negativity, anger, resentment, irritation in the player and a team environment where the other players observing this interchange will feel anxiety. (A state of relaxed anxiety is the mental state where the best learning occurs. Too much anxiety is a blocker to learning). Basically, all the emotions that are the antithesis to building relationships, creating a thinking player and learning. “To inspire a conversation worth having, use positive framing, which creates a desirable focus. A positive frame draws people in and inspires curiosity, imagination, and interest” (Stavros and Torres, p. 46). 

 

A coach to a player: “You are an exceptionally talented player. You left it all out on the field today. You at your best is key to the success of our team. At times, you made great choices to attack the opposition and you have the skills to do so. We also know that we are looking to use the outside right half to launch attacks. What ideas do you have that would get the ball wide more often? What are you seeing on the field.” 

This positive frame allows the coach to maintain good relations with the player while resolving issues that are negatively affecting the team. The player may still feel a little bad because there was possibly a poor result due to their performance, but the focal point is on the desired outcome, not the player. The player also has the space to share possible challenges they may face to be able to execute the actions on the field, some of which may have not been clear to the coach. The coach simply (it’s not always easy because of the way we are wired as humans) reframes the focus away from a negative or problem focus to an appreciative more positive one. 

“Name it, Flip it, Frame it”

“Name it, Flip it, Frame it” is a technique that shifts the thought from problem-based frame to a positive frame (Stavros and Torres):

• Name it: What is the problem? The player doesn’t pass right. 

• Flip it: What is the positive opposite of the problem? The player passes right and supports the attack.

• Frame it: What is the positive impact of the flip? What would the impact be if the player passed right? What is the desired outcome? There would potentially be more attacking opportunities generated and a turnover would be less dangerous. We may win more games.

Great coaches have the discipline and desire to build players through the strengths-based approach using appreciative inquiry techniques that build trust, confidence and ability. 

References: Stavros, J. and Torres, C.(2018). Conversations Worth Having: Using Appreciative Inquiry to Fuel Productive and Meaningful Engagement. Berrett-Koehler: Oakland, CA.